I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
