I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
