your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
