Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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