my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
