Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
