I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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