Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
