mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
