last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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