I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
