I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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