Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
