oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
