took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
