i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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