i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
