"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
