Your mouth is God's brothel.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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