The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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