i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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