Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
