Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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