Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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