States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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