The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
