The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
