so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
