So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im six kinds of drunk right now
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
