guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
