I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
