Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Randomize
