hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
