FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
