I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
