Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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