don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
