is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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