Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
