I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
