can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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