Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize