but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to sanitize my soul.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
