Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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