**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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