The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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