we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I deserve this hangover.
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