My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
