i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
