I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
