True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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