absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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