Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish I only lived at night.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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