somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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