You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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