Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
that is very illegal...i love you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
