we have pet lesbian snakes
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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