Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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