His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
