No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
A bitchslap is in order.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
